


cherylbarrel has created the group Welcome To My Text Fic Fiasco

by cherylbarrel



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Memes, Texting, The main focus is choni, This won't always follow canon compliant, chat fic, if you're here for core four this fic isn't for you, the gays are the centre of this fic, the other relationships are just background
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-05 15:45:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17327867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherylbarrel/pseuds/cherylbarrel
Summary: vooronica: Isn’t this going to be so great Reggie?Reginald: Wait a second i’m involved in this ??vooronica: Duhvooronica: You’re going to have to spend time with me if you want that ferris wheel kissReginald: Well in that caseReginald: I am so inCher Bear: VomitCher Bear: Can we talk about something less straightvooronica: We were literally talking about finding Kevin a date 5 secs ago ???Cher Bear: Yeah and that part was fineCher Bear: Then you ruined it with all your hetero kissing fantasies





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cher Bear - Cheryl  
> tiny topaz - Toni  
> sweetie pea - Sweet Pea  
> FANGS - Fangs  
> KevSIN - Kevin  
> Jojo - Josie  
> vooronica - Veronica  
> Reginald - Reggie  
> booty cooper - Betty  
> Jug Dead - Jughead

**KevSIN** has created the group  **some of you have never been to the carnival and it shows**

 

Monday, March 22nd 

2:09am 

 

**KevSIN** : GAYS!!!! (and others) 

 

**KevSIN** : The carnival is coming to riverdale!!!!!

 

**FANGS** : You woke me up at 2am to tell me about the carnival…

 

**KevSIN** : Yes, you’re welcome 

 

**Jojo** : Kevin I’m trying to get my beauty sleep 

 

**sweetie pea** : Same

 

**Jug Dead** : Why are you so excited over the carnival? 

 

**Jug Dead** : It’s just a bunch of rigged games and a ferris wheel

 

**booty cooper** : Jug your phone screen is too bright turn it down

 

**Jug Dead** : I’m right next to you betts, why didn’t you just ask me in person 

 

**booty cooper** : Shhhh i’m sleeping 

 

**KevSIN** : The carnival is the happiest place on earth 

 

**KevSIN** : I won’t tolerate your slander, Mr. Jones. 

 

**Jug Dead** : Sheesh okay, no need to talk to me like your Weatherbee 

 

**FANGS** : When’s it coming? 

 

**KevSIN** : Friday

 

**KevSIN** : It’ll be here for a week

 

**KevSIN** : So you guys better pick which weekend works best because we are definitely all going

 

**tiny topaz** : Neither

 

**KevSIN** : Come on Toni don’t be a Jughead 

 

**tiny topaz** : Sorry but i’m busy 

 

**KevSIN** : Cheryl??? Is she actually busy? 

 

**sweetie pea** : Cheryl is probably the thing she’s busy doing ;) 

 

**Jojo** : Sweet Pea. 

 

**sweetie pea** : oh shit

 

**Cher Bear** : Go away

 

**Cher Bear** : It’s 2am you heathens 

 

**KevSIN** : There’s no wrong time to talk about the carnival

 

**tiny topaz** : Correction 

 

**tiny topaz** : All times are bad times to talk about the carnival 

 

**KevSIN** : What’s your beef with having a good time???

 

**tiny topaz** : Nothing

 

**tiny topaz** : Aren’t i allowed to not like things

 

**FANGS** : Toni’s afraid of rides

 

**tiny topaz** : FANGS FOGARTY I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS

 

**FANGS** : Good luck reaching it shortie 

 

**KevSIN** : Toni!! You don’t have to like the rides to enjoy the carnival 

 

**KevSIN** : There are games, and photo booths, and cool lights, and funnel cake!!!!!

 

**FANGS** : Yeah Toni go for the funnel cake

 

**tiny topaz** : You’re not allowed to talk to me right now

 

**FANGS** : :(

 

**KevSIN** : Please come Toni 

 

**KevSIN** : I need you and Cheryl to be there or else there won’t be enough gay energy to have a good time 

 

**tiny topaz** : I don’t know Kevin 

 

**Cher Bear** : Babeeeee why are you still on your phone and not cuddling me 

 

**FANGS** : Read the convo back bombshell 

 

**tiny topaz** : No baby there’s no need to do that ! 

 

**FANGS** : You can’t hide your deepest darkest secret from her forever Toni 

 

**tiny topaz** : I hate you so much 

 

**Cher Bear** : Aww tt, you’re scared of carnival rides? 

 

**tiny topaz** : ….no 

 

**Cher Bear** : I think it’s cute

 

**tiny topaz** : Really? 

 

**Cher Bear** : Obvi 

 

**Cher Bear** : Now are you going to cuddle me or do I have to wait all night?? 

 

**tiny topaz** : I’m gonna give you all the cuddles you want baby 

 

**KevSIN** : You know, a great place to cuddle would be the carnival :) 

 

**tiny topaz** : You’re really pushing it keller 

 

**Cher Bear** : We’ll be there Kev 

 

**Cher Bear** : Leave us alone now

 

**KevSIN** : !!!! 

 

**KevSIN** : Yes ma’am 

 

**tiny topaz** : Uhh??

 

**tiny topaz** : I did not agree to this 

 

**Cher Bear** : I promise you don’t have to go on any rides tt. We can have a good time in a lot of other ways

 

**sweetie pea** : That sounds so suggestive 

 

**Cher Bear** : Maybe it is

 

**sweetie pea** : I like your style red

 

**tiny topaz** : Fine, i guess i’ll go

 

**tiny topaz** : Only because i love you cher 

 

**Cher Bear** : I love you too !!

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kevin still won't shut up about the carnival, cheryl wants the straights to stop talking, sweet pea and fangs are annoying

**KevSIN** has created the group  **be there or be square**

 

Wednesday, March 24

4:32pm

 

**KevSIN** : Carnival, 2pm, saturday. 

 

**vooronica** : Yay! I can’t wait kev!! 

 

**Reginald** : Me too. I’ve always wanted to kiss a beautiful girl on the top of the ferris wheel

 

**vooronica** : Um, who is this beautiful girl you’re going to be kissing? 

 

**Reginald** : i was hoping it would be you??

 

**vooronica** : Maybe if you’re lucky mantle 

 

**KevSIN** : I’m so single and gay 

 

**tiny topaz** : Been there. 

 

**FANGS** : Press f to pay respects

 

**FANGS** : F

 

**tiny topaz** : f 

 

**vooronica** : F

 

**Cher Bear** : F

 

**Reginald** : f

 

**sweetie pea** : f 

 

**KevSIN** : Thanks you really know how to cheer a guy up…

 

**Reginald** : Maybe you’ll meet someone on saturday :D

 

**vooronica** : OMG 

 

**vooronica** : That just gave me the best idea !!

 

**vooronica** : Can we be your carnival wingpeople ?

 

**vooronica** : Pretty please

 

**KevSIN** : Um 

 

**Cher Bear** : Fair warning kevin 

 

**Cher Bear** : No matter what you say ronnie is going to go through with this 

 

**vooronica** : You know me so well 

 

**KevSIN** : Ok then I guess you can 

 

**KevSIN** : BUT 

 

**KevSIN** : It’s not allowed to ruin all the carnival fun we’re supposed to be having

 

**vooronica** : You have my word! 

 

**vooronica** : Isn’t this going to be so great Reggie? 

 

**Reginald** : Wait a second i’m involved in this ?? 

 

**vooronica** : Duh 

 

**vooronica** : You’re going to have to spend time with me if you want that ferris wheel kiss

 

**Reginald** : Well in that case 

 

**Reginald** : I am so in 

 

**Cher Bear** : Vomit 

 

**Cher Bear** : Can we talk about something less straight 

 

**vooronica** : We were literally talking about finding Kevin a date 5 secs ago ???

 

**Cher Bear** : Yeah and that part was fine 

 

**Cher Bear** : Then you ruined it with all your hetero kissing fantasies

 

**vooronica** : .....that’s fair 

 

**FANGS** : Hey what about my love life ! 

 

**FANGS** : I’m painfully single as well

 

**tiny topaz** : That’s your own damn fault 

 

**FANGS** : Geez 

 

**FANGS** : Someone’s still mad at me 

 

**tiny topaz** : Perish

 

**FANGS** : Cheryl can you please get ur gf to forgive me?? 

 

**Cher Bear** : I’m powerful but not THAT powerful 

 

**sweetie pea** : Dude i’ve tried to set you up with people like a million times 

 

**sweetie pea** : You don’t like any of them !!

 

**FANGS** : That’s because you are the absolute worst at matchmaking 

 

**sweetie pea** : Am not 

 

**FANGS** : It’s an abomination how bad you are pea 

 

**sweetie pea** : I matched myself with Josie didn’t i 

 

**Jojo** : I did all of the leg work for this relationship and we both know it 

 

**sweetie pea** : Where did you come from i thought you were working on your music 

 

**Jojo** : I just sense when my presence is needed. 

 

**FANGS** : That’s some spooky witch shit right there 

 

**tiny topaz** : Josie has magic powers we been knew

 

**Cher Bear** : Toni !!!!!!!!!

 

**tiny topaz** : What is it baby??? 

 

**Cher Bear** : Nothing I just wanted your attention 

 

**sweetie pea** : That’s gay 

 

**FANGS** : Is Your Child Texting About Being Gay? Know The Signs. 

 

**sweetie pea** : Lol = lots of lesbians 

 

**FANGS** : g2g = gays x2 

 

**sweetie pea** : Bab = bros are bi 

 

**FANGS** : Kys = kiss your sex 

 

**vooronica** : Are you two done yet? 

 

**sweetie pea** : I mean no 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> veronica is moving to canada, cheryl and sweet pea are killing people, toni is girlfriend of the year

**Cher Bear** has created the group  **Birth Is A Curse And Existence Is A Prison**

 

Thursday, March 25th 

6:45pm

 

**Cher Bear** : The fbi agent watching me through my phone is my best friend 

 

**tiny topaz** : wow i’m offended 

 

**Jojo** : Me too ?? 

 

**vooronica** : Uh so am I 

 

**booty cooper** : Even I’m offended

 

**Cher Bear** : Step up your game 

 

**Cher Bear** : No one loves me like Jeremy does 

 

**sweetie pea** : Did you...did you name the fbi agent 

 

**Cher Bear** : Yes. 

 

**FANGS** : Jeremy is a fuckboy name 

 

**Jug Dead** : Says Fangs 

 

**FANGS** : Says JUGHEAD 

 

**vooronica** : Yeah we get it you’re all a bunch of oddly named weirdos 

 

**vooronica** : We have a bigger problem at hand here people 

 

**vooronica** : Who broke Cheryl ??

 

**tiny topaz** : Don’t worry i’m omw with milkshakes and flowers 

 

**tiny topaz** : Also Jeremy better watch himself 

 

**FANGS** : FiGhT fIgHT FigHt 

 

**vooronica** : Girlfriend of the year 

 

**Cher Bear** : Are you flirting with her? 

 

**vooronica** : :o 

 

**vooronica** : No!!! Of course not 

 

**Cher Bear** : I’ll kill you 

 

**vooronica** : Fuck I’m moving to canada. bye guys 

 

**tiny topaz** : Baby! You know i could never want veronica in a million years. Not when i have you my beautiful girl 

 

**vooronica** : Ok rude 

 

**Cher Bear** : Promise? 

 

**tiny topaz** : With my whole heart 

 

**Cher Bear** : Ok good

 

**vooronica** : A million years? Srsly Toni 

 

**sweetie pea** : Why are you digging yourself deeper into the hole? 

 

**tiny topaz** : Yeah Veronica, my NOT GIRLFRIEND 

 

**Jug Dead** : Stop blowing up our phones Betty and I are trying to watch a movie 

 

**FANGS** : Turn the sound off loser 

 

**Jug Dead** : No what if something important comes through 

 

**sweetie pea** : We’re the most important thing that’s ever happened to you Jones

 

**FANGS** : BURRRRN

 

**Cher Bear** kicked  **Jug Dead** from the group. 

 

**Cher Bear** : Problem solved

 

**Cher Bear** : Wish I could do that irl 

 

**Cher Bear** : Looking at you Veronica. 

 

**vooronica** : Shit I still have to run away to canada don’t I

 

**Cher Bear** : You won’t make it that far. 

 

**booty cooper** : Add Jug back he wants to say something 

 

**Cher Bear** : No ?? 

 

**booty cooper** : Please? 

 

**Cher Bear** : Bold of you to assume the use of please will make any difference on that hobos fate 

 

**tiny topaz** : Hey baby i’m outside come let me in

 

**Cher Bear** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**FANGS** : Whipped. 

 

**booty cooper** : Hi it’s jughead. I Just want you all to know that last week when Sweet Pea was drunk he told me he was so grateful I brought him into our friend group and that he’s never been happier and loves everyone here. Ok bye! 

 

**sweetie pea** : I’m 

 

**sweetie pea** : Going 

 

**sweetie pea** : To 

 

**sweetie pea** : Kill 

 

**sweetie pea** : You

 

**vooronica** : Jughead you might wanna move to canada with me

 

**FANGS** : Ha ha yr such a teddy bear pea 

 

**sweetie pea** : i’ll kill you too 

 

**sweetie pea** : I said that in a moment of drunk weakness OK 

 

**vooronica** : You loooove us 

 

**sweetie pea** : I hate you 

 

**sweetie pea** : I’m gonna go hang out with my assigned fbi agent instead

 

**FANGS** : He’ll be back. They always come back 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang arrives at the carnival, sweet pea unlocks Kevin's Tragic Backstory™, and a discussion about boobs is had

**KevSIN** has created the group  **ItS fiNaLly ThE biG dAy**

 

Saturday, March 27th 

2:03pm 

 

**KevSIN** : Hello why aren’t you all here yet 

 

**KevSIN** : i said 2pm SHARP 

 

**vooronica** : It’s only 3 minutes past!!! 

 

**KevSIN** : It feels like it's been a CENTURY 

 

**booty cooper** : Please get here

 

**booty cooper** : Jug and I can’t watch Kevin pace around for much longer it’s making us anxious 

 

**sweetie pea** : Josie and I are here in the parking lot

 

**sweetie pea** : And uh cheryl and toni are too…

 

**KevSIN** : They’re making out arent they

 

**Jojo** : Yup backseat of Cher’s car 

 

**Jojo** : Remind me never to catch a ride from her again 

 

**KevSIN** : Tell them to stop contracting diseases and get their BUTTS over here

 

**sweetie pea** : I’ll try but you owe me one keller 

 

**FANGS** : Thank god i declined cheryl and toni’s offer for the ride

 

**KevSIN** : Are you here Fangs???

 

**FANGS** : Yeah man just got here

 

**KevSIN** : Perfect that just leaves ronnie and reggie 

 

**vooronica** : Um we might still be 10 mins away 

 

**KevSIN** : You’re really testing my patience girl 

 

**FANGS** : is anyone ever going to explain why kevin loves the carnival so much??? 

 

**vooronica** : i’m...actually really surprised I haven’t questioned that yet? 

 

**vooronica** : Spill kevin 

 

**KevSIN** : Carnivals are just fun 

 

**KevSIN** : Why do I need a reason? 

 

**FANGS** : Something about that just doesn’t add up 

 

**booty cooper** : Kev it’s okay just be honest with everyone 

 

**vooronica** : So there is a reason ! 

 

**KevSIN** : Betty….

 

**booty cooper** : I’m sorry !! But you know everyone here loves you and you can trust them 

 

**sweetie pea** : Come on dude i risked my life for you pulling cheryl and toni apart the least you could do is tell me your tragic backstory 

 

**KevSIN** : …. 

 

**KevSIN** : It’s not tragic

 

**KevSIN** : Not really anyway

 

**KevSIN** : My mom just used to take me to the carnival every year before she left

 

**KevSIN** : It was the only time we really bonded I guess? 

 

**KevSIN** : Idk I was always closer with my dad but when my mom and I went to the carnival I felt closer to her than anyone in the world 

 

**KevSIN** : This is just a really special place to me and I think it’s a good way for us to all bond

 

**vooronica** : Awww Kevin !!!!

 

**vooronica** : That’s so cute 

 

**vooronica** : We’re gonna make sure today lives up to all those times you had when you were a kid 

 

**vooronica** : Right everyone? 

 

**FANGS** : Definitely. You deserve it keller 

 

**Jojo** : Of course!! That’s a really sweet story Kev

 

**booty cooper** : You know I’ll be here to make sure you have a good day :) 

 

**Jug Dead** : Yeah me too I guess

 

**Jug Dead** : I get the whole not having a mom thing 

 

**sweetie pea** : Way to bring the mood down, Jones

 

**sweetie pea** : But yeah today’s gonna be great 

 

**tiny topaz** : I might hate carnivals but i’ll do what i can keller 

 

**Cher Bear** : We’re here for you Kev <3 

 

**KevSIN** : Thanks you guys, you’re all amazing 

 

**Cher Bear** : P.s Toni I’m making it my mission to ensure you don’t hate carnivals by the end of night ;) 

 

**tiny topaz** : oh no 

 

**KevSIN** : oH YES

 

**tiny topaz** : what does that even MEAN

 

**sweetie pea** : It better not mean making out in front of children 

 

**Cher Bear** : Obviously not???

 

**Cher Bear** : Who do you take me for, Sweet Pea? 

 

**sweetie pea** : i literally saw your boobs 10 seconds ago in a parking lot so i mean idk anymore

 

**Jug Dead** : weird flex but okay 

 

**tiny topaz** : Talk about my girl’s boobs one more time i dare u 

 

**Cher Bear** : For curiosity sake, what did you think of them? 

 

**tiny topaz** : SWEET PEA DO NOT ANSWER THAT 

 

**sweetie pea** : ngl 10/10 

 

**tiny topaz** : oh my fucking god you’re fucking dead 

 

**Jojo** : Uhm excuse me Sweet Pea??

 

**sweetie pea** : Babe don’t be mad yours are like 1000/10 

 

**Jojo** : That so wasn’t the point 

 

**Cher Bear** : ??? what the hell are wrong with mine 

 

**tiny topaz** : CHERYL 

 

**sweetie pea** : fuck 

 

**Jug Dead** : Just run sweets its too late for damage control 

 

**KevSIN** : LADIES LADIES ALL YOUR BOOBS ARE MAGNIFICENT CAN WE GET ON WITH OUR DAY NOW 

 

**sweetie pea** : YES PLEASE 

 

**Jojo** : Fine but you’re on thin ice 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**vooronica** has created the group  **Operation Don’t Let Kevin Die Alone**

 

Saturday, March 27th 

3:31pm 

 

**KevSIN** : is the chat name really necessary? 

 

**vooronica** : Yes

 

**vooronica** : Desperate times call for desperate measures

 

**sweetie pea** : Sometimes i forget that you’re just as painfully dramatic as cheryl 

 

**Cher Bear** : I take that as a challenge

 

**vooronica** : LISTEN UP 

 

**vooronica** : Everyone needs to keep their eyes open for potential matches for kevin 

 

**vooronica** : preferably cute and single 

 

**FANGS** : “preferably single” 

 

**vooronica** : and notify me immediately if you meet someone interesting 

 

**KevSIN** : Veronica don’t you think this is a little much? 

 

**Cher Bear** : Ronnie has no concept of “too much” 

 

**Jug Dead** : Sounds like someone else I know huh Cheryl? 

 

**vooronica** : Kevin we need everyone on look out if we’re going to find your future boo!! 

 

**KevSIN** : My self esteem is plummeting further into the depths of hell with every word you type

 

**sweetie pea** : i’m starting to think all you northsiders are just as equally dramatic???

 

**Cher Bear** : I take that as a SECOND CHALLENGE

 

**vooronica** : Cheryl no

 

**Cher Bear** : Cheryl YES 

 

**Jojo** : Cheryl no

 

**Cher Bear** : Cheryl maybe? 

 

**tiny topaz** : Cheryl no 

 

**Cher Bear** : …Cheryl no. 

 

**FANGS** : Yo Kev there’s a fortune teller here we should go see if you really are doomed to a life of eternal loneliness or not

 

**KevSIN** : ….

 

**booty cooper** : Juggie that sounds like fun we should go see the fortune teller too! 

 

**Jug Dead** : I guess we can if you want 

 

**booty cooper** : Cheryl and Toni do you guys want to come?

 

**Cher Bear** : You want me to spend money just to be told about how I inevitably ruin my own future ? 

 

**Cher Bear** : No need, my mother already does that for free 

 

**Jojo** : WOW that just got real 

 

**FANGS** : It has been 0 days since Cheryl last brought up her demon mom 

 

**sweetie pea** : No one’s surprised 

 

**tiny topaz** : Your moms a bitch, babe 

 

**sweetie pea** : No one’s surprised x2 

 

**KevSIN** : Moving on 

 

**KevSIN** : I’ll come with u to the fortune teller Fangs

 

**FANGS** : :D

 

**Jojo** : In the meantime, do you want to go hit some rides with me Sweet Pea? 

 

**sweetie pea** : Hell yeah! 

 

**vooronica** : Reggie and I will continue walking around and scoping out any potential bachelors! 

 

**Reginald** : Yay 

 

**vooronica** : I’m going to pretend that’s not sarcasm 

 

**booty cooper** : Soooo Cheryl, Toni, you coming with us or not? 

 

**booty cooper** : Wait a second where did they go? 

 

**vooronica** : Uh did anyone see where choni went off too?? 

 

**sweetie pea** : My guess would be BONETOWN 

 

**sweetie pea** : ;) ;) ;) 

 

**Jojo** : Someone remind me why I’m dating this man 

 

**FANGS** : because he’s great 

 

**sweetie pea** : Bro :’) 

 

**FANGS** : i’ve got you bro 

 

**vooronica** : Although I would’ve chosen different phrasing, Sweet Pea could be on to something 

 

**booty cooper** : Anyone ever notice how Cheryl and Toni get suspiciously “intimate” whenever the dark woes of their pasts come up 

 

**sweetie pea** : if you’re trying to say they get turned on by the crazy u can just spit it out blondie 

 

**vooronica** : I’d like to reiterate my previous message

 

**FANGS** : Omg don’t kinkshame them 

 

**sweetie pea** : I do what i want 

 

**Jug Dead** : I want popcorn

 

**booty copper** : Of course you do

 

**vooronica** : Of course you do

 

**sweetie pea** : of course you do

 

**Jojo** : Of course you do 

 

**KevSIN** : of course you do

 

**Reginald** : Of course you do

 

**FANGS** : of course you do 

 

**Jug Dead** : K….rude 

 

**tiny topaz** : the next person to talk about our sex life is getting a knife in their kidney 

 

**FANGS** : and i thought sweet pea was the one with anger issues 

 

**Cher Bear** : She’s just worked up because she’s already spent 10 dollars trying to win the ring toss game 

 

**Jojo** : Those games are rigged girl it’s a lost cause 

 

**sweetie pea** : lol when you blow all your money don’t come asking me for my shifts at the wyrm 

 

**tiny topaz** : shut up i’m going to win my girlfriend a cute ass stuffed bear and anyone who doesn’t believe in me can LEAVE

 

**KevSIN** : Wow u really are angry about this huh 

 

**Cher Bear** : Ngl it’s kinda cute 

 

**vooronica** : Aww you guys were made for each other 

 

**vooronica** : That being said, Toni you have no chance of winning please stop 

 

**tiny topaz** : “Haters don’t hate you, they hate themselves. Because you’re a reflection of what they wish to be.” - Abraham Lincoln 

 

**FANGS** : oh my fucking god 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! feel free to send me ideas you'd like to see the group chat talk about!  
> also you can find more choni content on my tumblr @cheryl-in-a-barrel or my twitter @toninabarrel


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